Running as Mirror….
Because, everything as a mirror, and running proved not to be the exception.
I had not run on pavement in 8 months, until last week.
Last week, my All Trails app “failed” me twice in one day leading me to the Razorback Greenway. A fabulous…paved… trailway system on NW AR. By the time I arrived at the second paved trailway it was either run on it or miss the opportunity to run at all. So I jumped on.
Immediately I hated it. My body wasn’t responding well and my mind was resisting with intrusive negative thoughts. I was heavy footed and couldn’t find a rhythm or pace my breath. About 2-3 miles in, as always happens, the curiosity and clarity started to flood me and the information started downloading ….
The originating thoughts were 2
- That of control
- That of societal ideologies
The pavement all of the sudden represented the paved way of societal normalcy. I have successfully stepped far enough away from societal ideologies that it would be hard of body and mind to fully integrate back in, nor would “we”, me and all my parts, want to.
We have done enough questioning and self discovery and choice based design that we are out of mainstream, at least with one foot. Which is just how I like it, a foot in both worlds in many aspects.
And we CAN step back in, because we did…for 4 long miles, but we never would, not totally.
This says to me “good job”. You are on the right path, keep going. I received / interpreted this as validation from Source.
That’s when I realized…
…It has been EIGHT months since I ran on pavement.
…I started running 10 years ago!
…If I can’t pace, then pacing was a learned behavior (as were so many other behaviors I have been receiving awareness of and choosing to keep or let go of for several years now).
I had learned to control my breath and match breath body movement, long before yoga and me, and thankfully so! Now, there is no right or wrong or good and bad here, just deeper and deeper awareness of change and growth.
I had been controlling the runs to suit my needs for 9 + years and what a great tool it was each and every time. But, that means then, that I HADN’T been controlling them the last 8 months?
Now, simultaneously I started pursuing submission in other arenas 8 months ago as well. I had failed to make this connection of similarity of action and timing at all previously.
And here I was unknowingly all along, submitting to nature, to mother, to me, to her, to us. On a trail, she controls you. Stride out and run fast and free downhill, shorten and strengthen going up, step to the side, football feet, jump over etc. SHE had been meeting my needs, leading me, assuming control, and I let her and I loved it! That’s why once I discovered it, I didn’t go back to pavement = control. I had held tightly to it for years! In many different forms, but it wasn’t until awareness of my own control dynamics that I began consciously (or so I thought) choosing whether I wanted it or not.
And here, without awareness of it, I had been submitting. And at a time when I was ready to and craved submission, to lose control, to let go, to follow, to TRUST…to remember that I’m not and never was in control anyway. To remember that the more I let go and linger in the unknown the closer I get to my highest timeline. OUR highest timeline, me and my kids, the collective even. Because when doing the work for the individual self, we are doing the work for the collective.
Namaste friends. Keep asking questions!! Stay curious and live a choice based life!