There is a Universal flow and whether I exist IN it or not, it’s with certainty that I say it ALWAYS exists. I have felt it on days, in moments, and never for prolonged periods of time. That is the expectation though, to live in the flow, to be the flow, to let the Universe carry me through my days. Those are amazing days! When everything feels right, just the right amount of stuff is done, and said, felt, and with little effort and overused energy. With more smiles and more noticing the small things, the smells, the faces, the eyes, the intentions of myself and others. Noticing intentions alone calls me to be a different person. It allows me to communicate from my higher self, with myself, my children, spouse, friends, community, the universe! From the heart communication aligning with Universal intentions is always spot on! It’s a beautiful thing and sometimes super uncomfortable. Sometimes it asks me to address honestly a challenge with others (myself) that I would rather stew and be miserable about. Crazy, right? That’s me! The good and the bad, the dark and the light, both equally important parts of myself, both sometimes unrecognizable, and both sometimes all too familiar. Opposite ends of the spectrum. Where does balance occur then? Through the day, through the week, the years, moments, over my LIFE? Even today, when my mind meets me in manic mode? Could this be balance in another form? Manic for me feels like wheels spinning, a “taking care of” and over thinking system of beliefs. Beliefs that I have a million things to do and not enough time, lists and details that need not be inventoried and yet I take it, twice. Manic for me is often rooted in irritation and anger and self righteousness. And so I start spinning, on paper and often out loud to whoever will listen. Trying to categorize and enlist and organize people and tasks. It seems exhausting and yet I don’t stop. And then, if I stick with it, if I promise to remain manic as the day seems to be asking of me, if I (reluctantly and also addictively) stay in my manic craziness then BOOM, out of manic Wednesday comes a solution, a clearing I was not open to in my stewing, in my anger, in my close mindedness. So then, is manic sometimes the best present solution to rev me up to take me out my patterns on repeat…even though it seems manic IS the pattern on repeat? To allow me to “talk it out” or simply exhaust myself to the point of non-resistance. Is there another way? Couldn’t yoga or running exhaust me as well? Sure! And on some days they do and on some days they are a source of energy. But today, that is not the way. Today, I am destined to be manic and so I am, and so came some solutions. So cheers to openness of all the feelings, and fuck labeling them the good ones and the bad ones. They all serve a purpose, and they are all most beneficial when felt deeply and fully. The biggest gift I give myself is surrender, to them aaaaalllllll! The feelings will come, shitty, overwhelmed, angry, happy, stressed, excited, nervous. And when they do, who needs the extra layers of, I shouldn’t be feeling this, If I could only stop feeling this way, I wish I felt differently, How can I change me, comparison, guilt, shame, egocentric bullshit! So here’s to MANIC WEDNESDAY my friends!!! Thursday come what may!